Ugly Struggle

"I am utterly spent and crushed; I groan because of  the tumult of my heart. 

Lord, all my longing is known to Thee; my sighing is not hidden from Thee.

Psalm 38:8-9

Wellll that's a great bible passage to start off with isn't? 

This week I have felt utterly spent and crushed. Whether it be from allergies, heart ache, or whatever my problem be. I let myself slip into a bit of a slight depression. 

(Note to my aunts...everything is fine. Everything is good.)

As Ignatius discovered, depression can be a great spiritual challenge --and also a great opportunity for growth. Let us keep this in mind whenever we suffer from depression and turn to the saints for their intercession. -Saintly solutions

We all have those sad days where the world is ending or nothing seems to be going right. (Guess that's pretty much the same thing.) Between my head and my heart and my allergy achy body I was a confused, crippled and snotty mess.(Okay that GIF above is getting really annoying...) 

"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you will be really happy are those who have sought and how found to serve." -Albert Schweitzer    

Mom mentioned something along these lines. When we sit and have nothing to do and waste time thinking about everything, we make ourselves sad. So the quote above parallels with Mom's thoughts. 

The answer is simple. Serve, act, do something. Of course when one is sick though these things  are hard to do. Read a good book? I don't know I am still learning myself. 

There is a lot that lies ahead and I think I have let it impact me in unhealthy ways.

Whether it be fear, things I "have" to do, or my future period. 

I need to learn to really let go and let God. 

To rejoice with what I have now instead of what I want. 

I am blessed. And yes that sounds cheesy. But it is true. 

Yes, depression is a serious thing. I think we all deal with it in one way or another at some point in our lives. Whether it be for health reasons, needing a pity party for yourself (like I had this week) or whatever the situation may be. Depression is real. It's something not to be ashamed of though. I think I have thought that for too long. It is something to fight. Something to beat. Yet, who am I to talk? 

Sister Jordan has mentioned to me time and time again that Jesus wept. I love this because I think of Jesus as being strong, and that he is. But just because you are strong doesn't mean you can't cry, you can't feel. I hate crying but more and more I am learning to say it's okay to cry. I whisper to myself Jesus wept. Not cried. Wept. The ugly cry. Only when he did it I am sure it was beautiful. Gorgeous! Picture Jim Caviezal ugly crying. Not possible. Adorable. Sorry, side tracked. 

My point being we don't have to hide what is real. What we all struggle with. I guess that is why I am actually posting this blog taking the chance that probably five of my aunts will call my mom tonight to see if I am alright even though I will be the one to answer the phone they'll be sneaky about it. (Laugh here.) Love them!

See! People care. People love. Let's just all walk this together. Shameless. Fearless. As ourselves. With God.