Another Time

Today we were supposed to be on a plane across the Atlantic. 

Almost Rome. 

Almost Paris.

Almost Assisi.

And almost Lourdes. 

Pilgrimaging with my whole family and our family friends. 

I've already blogged about my sorrow, but today it is real. 

Ten years since Lourdes. 

Last night we went around the table saying what each of us was going to miss about our trip.

I said I would miss going to Lourdes after ten years.  

I never thought I'd desire to go back and yet here I am desiring it. 

In the past two years I have come close to pilgrimaging there. 

The first, was with Sr. Jordan and I, to join other pilgrims in need of healing.

I wanted to pray about it. 

I wanted to trust that whatever happened, whether it would work out or not, God was in control. 

The answer was 'no' and I continued to trust that it wasn't the right time. 

The second time about a year later, we decided to plan a family pilgrimage while Maddie was still studying abroad in Rome. 

But as you all know, the trip was cancelled, the plans were erased and we did not get to go. 

This time it wasn't as easy to trust or to hear the word 'no.' 

It still baffles me how quickly everything changed. 

What about all the signs you gave us, God?

What about all the schedules and prayers & novenas to get us all there?

We were going to be in Lourdes over Divine Mercy Sunday and over the five year anniversary since I went into heart failure.

Today also marks, five years since I was sent by ambulance to Seattle during my heart failure.

Lots of emotions.

It's not the end of the world but it is disappointing.

 However, Our Lady of Lourdes said to St. Bernadette, 

"I cannot promise you happiness in this world, only in the next."

Choosing to be grateful we are all healthy and safe. 

Desiring trust.

Rescheduling for another time.   

"He has always given me what I wanted, or rather, made me want what He desires to give." St. Therese Story of a Soul

"In the same way, the Spirit too comes to the aid of our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought; but the Spirit itself intercedes with inexpressible groanings. And the one who searches hearts knows what is the intention of the Spirit, because it, intercedes for the holy ones according to God's will." 

Romans 8:26-27