Rant 1, 2, 3
Again I don't even know what my last blog was about because it has been so long.
This post is more for me than anyone. (How selfish of me admitting that.) I want to shut the whole thing out by ignoring it and calling it "no body's business." However there is no healing in that so here we go...
Why is this blog titled Rant 1, 2, 3 ? Because I am about to go off the deep end by ranting. 1, 2, 3...
NOW.
This past week I had my doctor appointment. Last month when I had a doctor appointment I posted a picture of myself with a sour expression. That is the same sour expression my face is wearing.
Why?
Well Sparky here's the deal... The appointment was overall fine. Say it like a middle school bratty child. Fine.
I love my doctors. I do. I just don't love my heart. That sounds backwards right?
Well it doesn't love me. Meaning Gabbie is improving but her heart isn't.
Doesn't make sense, huh? How can one improve and the other not?
Well the person, me, can feel stronger, feel great while the heart decides it isn't improving. Not even a little.
So what does one do with that crappy, sucky and overwhelming knowledge?
Hold back the tears, the anger, and the fear of reliving the past all over again.
But other than that I did get the best gluten free sandwich I've ever had. ;) Hehe..trying to stay positive.
No truly, being positive is the only way to survive. And I guess that's just how my mind is operating right now. Survival mode. Yet there are so many people out there dealing with the same or worse fears.
I remember my first night in the ICU in Seattle, Mom met a grandmother to a little four year old boy who was placed in the Intensive Care Unit because his mom's boyfriend beat him nearly to death. I can tell you right now I am bawling at my computer screen. There are things that happen in life, like disease, that you can't help and things like this that shouldn't have happened. I had to be in the ICU~that little boy didn't. He was healthy until someone else's evil decision took action.
So through my appointment after appointment not getting the results I want, I will be grateful for the life I do have and am living. I will be thankful for how I feel and how far I have come.
1, 2, 3...
Rant over.
I do ask all of you to keep in your hearts and your prayers all who are living in hospitals. All who are trying to live through the day. All who don't feel the love and support of friends and family. Pray especially please for all the children and families at Children's.
This post is more for me than anyone. (How selfish of me admitting that.) I want to shut the whole thing out by ignoring it and calling it "no body's business." However there is no healing in that so here we go...
Why is this blog titled Rant 1, 2, 3 ? Because I am about to go off the deep end by ranting. 1, 2, 3...
NOW.
This past week I had my doctor appointment. Last month when I had a doctor appointment I posted a picture of myself with a sour expression. That is the same sour expression my face is wearing.
Why?
Well Sparky here's the deal... The appointment was overall fine. Say it like a middle school bratty child. Fine.
I love my doctors. I do. I just don't love my heart. That sounds backwards right?
Well it doesn't love me. Meaning Gabbie is improving but her heart isn't.
Doesn't make sense, huh? How can one improve and the other not?
Well the person, me, can feel stronger, feel great while the heart decides it isn't improving. Not even a little.
So what does one do with that crappy, sucky and overwhelming knowledge?
Hold back the tears, the anger, and the fear of reliving the past all over again.
But other than that I did get the best gluten free sandwich I've ever had. ;) Hehe..trying to stay positive.
No truly, being positive is the only way to survive. And I guess that's just how my mind is operating right now. Survival mode. Yet there are so many people out there dealing with the same or worse fears.
I remember my first night in the ICU in Seattle, Mom met a grandmother to a little four year old boy who was placed in the Intensive Care Unit because his mom's boyfriend beat him nearly to death. I can tell you right now I am bawling at my computer screen. There are things that happen in life, like disease, that you can't help and things like this that shouldn't have happened. I had to be in the ICU~that little boy didn't. He was healthy until someone else's evil decision took action.
So through my appointment after appointment not getting the results I want, I will be grateful for the life I do have and am living. I will be thankful for how I feel and how far I have come.
1, 2, 3...
Rant over.
I do ask all of you to keep in your hearts and your prayers all who are living in hospitals. All who are trying to live through the day. All who don't feel the love and support of friends and family. Pray especially please for all the children and families at Children's.
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