Betrayal of the body

I have felt betrayed by my body. I have been reminded of this betrayal greatly this week. Over and over I have taunted myself and thought the worst from A-Z. As you can imagine I have been a bawling mess.

I really hate admitting this to the world. No comment.

I ranted for all to read and though it felt good to speak my body's emotions it almost made me feel worse. I wallowed in self pity.

Thankfully I have the best parents in the world to walk/ride with me on my emotional roller coaster. I can't live in fear. I can't.

 This betrayal made me think of how Jesus must have felt. The comparison being: feeling betrayed by my body and how Jesus was betrayed by one who makes up His body, His own. 

When Judas betrayed Jesus, Jesus's life was being handed over. Out of his control. Yet all according to the will of the Father.

These parts of my body that frustrate me, I too feel out of control.

Yet I want to look at the betrayal how Jesus did. He didn't throw a fit, give up, or hate. He accepted.

How beautiful it is to be accepting and loving. That is how Jesus reacted.

I too want to turn this heart ache into something beautiful.

Sweet Jesus, show me the way.