Hope in You

After going to doctor appointments I tend to feel defeated; even though good things are said.

For the most part I can separate my medical needs from what I call "regular" life. 

I have days where I choose to accept my cross whereas I also have days when I feel I can't carry it any further. 

The feeling of hopelessness. Choosing to accept it because what else do you do. 

After dreaded appointments and after being faced with my situation, I hit a low. 

I fight the tears but that doesn't work. I fight the questions because I don't want answers. Their aren't answers. 

I think of Jesus in the garden the night before he died. His words of desperate prayer,

"Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done."

Luke 22:42 

How many times I have prayed this, Lord. How many times I ask. Yet not my will but Yours. 

I relate to Jesus, though I am me and He is Lord.

I relate to his suffering in the sense of his humanness. 

I confide in Him and ask Him to help me.   

Jesus, restore my hope. 

This song was in my head all day yesterday. 

https://youtu.be/zpO--bxUx0Y