ALL OR NOTHING
The other night I had a nightmare. A nightmare involving fire alarms. Can you tell I haven't recovered from Mahwah NJ's hotel/fire alarm scare yet? I then laid awake frantically thinking of my escape route. It also occurred to me that it wouldn't be wise to grab anything to take with me (like last time).
Then it really hit me.
All of my "precious" belongings wouldn't be mine anymore. I'd have nothing but the slippers, jammies, and jacket on my person. (My OCD self started putting these items near my bed for easy grab and go. Just in case!)
Then I got excited. How many people would get excited over all their belongings burning to a crisp? Probably just me.
My reason being... I wouldn't have to make the decision myself to detach from my stuff. It would just be all gone and I could start "fresh". It sounds ridiculous now that I see my insane thoughts on paper. And those who just went through fire tragedies near by probably are wishing flames upon me right now. Why am I continuing this blog?...
But then I stopped and thought why am I living in fear? Why do I view my life as ALL or NOTHING?
Sure most of the great saints gave what they had to the poor and went and lived/served among the poor. Here I am with my dilemma... I am not like one of those great saints.
When I do go through my stuff and try to "sell all of my belongings" to go and follow Jesus (see the ALL or NOTHING mentality?) I end up getting rid of something useful. *Sigh. So I end up back at square one.
And that is what inspired this blog!
Why am I wasting time over what to do before I can follow Jesus when I have already been called to be his disciple? No questions asked. No prep work ahead of time. Now.
My point being it's not about the stuff. I am refusing to focus my energy on being perfect before I can do the will of the Father because we all know that being perfect ain't going to happen. Instead I am choosing to love where I am at. To be thankful for what I have, set aside what I don't need, and to over all detach myself completely by simply letting go.
Choosing to love who I am with and choosing to love and live in the moments God has give us.
When I woke up this morning the first thing that came to mind was I don't want to start loving after it's too late. I need to start loving right now.
All or nothing.
Then it really hit me.
All of my "precious" belongings wouldn't be mine anymore. I'd have nothing but the slippers, jammies, and jacket on my person. (My OCD self started putting these items near my bed for easy grab and go. Just in case!)
Then I got excited. How many people would get excited over all their belongings burning to a crisp? Probably just me.
My reason being... I wouldn't have to make the decision myself to detach from my stuff. It would just be all gone and I could start "fresh". It sounds ridiculous now that I see my insane thoughts on paper. And those who just went through fire tragedies near by probably are wishing flames upon me right now. Why am I continuing this blog?...
But then I stopped and thought why am I living in fear? Why do I view my life as ALL or NOTHING?
Sure most of the great saints gave what they had to the poor and went and lived/served among the poor. Here I am with my dilemma... I am not like one of those great saints.
When I do go through my stuff and try to "sell all of my belongings" to go and follow Jesus (see the ALL or NOTHING mentality?) I end up getting rid of something useful. *Sigh. So I end up back at square one.
And that is what inspired this blog!
Why am I wasting time over what to do before I can follow Jesus when I have already been called to be his disciple? No questions asked. No prep work ahead of time. Now.
My point being it's not about the stuff. I am refusing to focus my energy on being perfect before I can do the will of the Father because we all know that being perfect ain't going to happen. Instead I am choosing to love where I am at. To be thankful for what I have, set aside what I don't need, and to over all detach myself completely by simply letting go.
Choosing to love who I am with and choosing to love and live in the moments God has give us.
When I woke up this morning the first thing that came to mind was I don't want to start loving after it's too late. I need to start loving right now.
All or nothing.
For the man who loves God it is sufficient to please the one he loves; and there is no greater recompense to be sought than the loving itself; for love is from God by the very fact that God himself is love. The good and chaste soul is so happy to be filled with him that it desires to take delight in nothing else. For what the Lord says is very true: Where your treasure is, there also will your heart be. - St. Pope Leo the Great
Again I say All or Nothing. I want all of Him. Therefor I want to be wrapped in His perfect love.
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